kom-sat's Diaryland Diary


Number 2

So, yeah. I was trying to remember why I created an account so long ago. It might have something to do with my grandmas passing. I felt guilty. I only went to visit her once in the hospital. I remember telling my mom that I didn't want to see her like that. Hooked up t o machines tubes coming out of her, needles and all the beeping. Plus my aunts and uncles were/are kinda dicks, real selfish people.

She called me Charlie. That was my grandpas name he'd died 15 years before hand a real young age. I guess now as I get older I resemble him a bit. But then I didn't think so. He was a smart talented man.

My grandma was smart and talented too a college graduate with a degree in music of all things. Just out of the great depression, the dust bowl, prohibition her parents moved here and opened up a grocery store and later 2 cafes. One of the buildings still stands, it is now a popular "tavern".

Thinking about it brings back a lot of different emotions and memories. Stupid memories. Like my van, a 1965 Ford Econoline. Or eating at the round table at Lucky Boy. Selling plasma to buy books. Mother Superior. The cat tank. Cockroaches with heads as big as pennies. I didn't even have a cell phone then, none of us did.

I still feel guilty. The weekend she had her first stroke I went camping. It was the last weekend in March and we woke up to snow in the shadow of a caldera just off a game trail. We tooled around then came home. Everything was fine. Then its 5 am April 1st, I don't know if she would've gotten a kick out of that, the phone rings and its my dad telling me my grandma died. April fools I thought. Maybe we both laughed, him and I on the phone, so early back then.

The drive to the cemetery was pretty long 45 miles away to be interred at the National cemetery where they had to exhume my grandfathers casket to put her with him. I brought the Zombie Survival Guide just in case, and because I was and still am a piece of shit. It was kinda funny.

I'll need to look at photos open up old journals play old CDs and think about what made me want to start this diary.

11:26 a.m. - 2021-01-21


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